A Memory to Stay
by M.Kasshoku
Summary: The Christmas season brings Ceres back home with an unexpected guest. Her Master, Alucard has some things to say to her but his subordinate has some wisdom of her own to dish out.


**A Memory to Stay**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Hellsing. I don't know who does, but I'm sure they wouldn't mind me borrowing some of the characters for a harmless Christmas fic. :)

**A/N**: I'm not quite sure what possessed me to have my first Hellsing fic be a Christmas fic, but the inspiration hit me as my family and I were putting up the tree. Sorry, if there is any OOCness from the characters. The Italics parts of the story that are within quotation marks are the bits of telepathic conversation that happen between Alucard and Ceres; the Italics alone are just plain thoughts. I hope it's not too confusing. Hope you enjoy the story! Happy Holidays :)

* * *

A few weeks passed since she had been back home, and she decided that it was time to get out of the mansion for a day and spend some time with her memories. Ceres Victoria packed a small bag and waited for the sun to go down before she set out to visit her empty apartment. She was relieved to see that the furniture was still inside just as she had left it so she set her bag on a chair and plopped herself down on the couch. The softness of the throw pillows and the cushions seemed more tangible than she last remembered. She figured it was because she missed her old home so much.

Victoria sat there for a few moments and just enjoyed being here once again. She had come back for a reason, but she wanted to take in as much of the surroundings as she could before it was time for her to go back to the mansion. She was on constant call so that didn't leave much time for a life. Her heart sank a little as she thought of that.

_What life? I'm not alive anymore, and I've no right to complain. _

She reluctantly pulled herself off the couch to begin the chore she had come to do. She walked down a small hallway to a storage closet and pulled down a long rectangular box from the top shelf. Next, she pulled down a smaller square box, which jingled slightly when she set it on the floor, and finally she dragged a chair to the closet and reached into the very back of the shelf to retrieve a blue felt sack. She pushed the rectangular box toward the living room along with the square box the small felt sack left on top of a dresser forgotten for the time. Victoria opened both boxes quickly and rummaged through them pulling out various articles and setting them down neatly on the floor. Snow had begun to fall outside but Victoria didn't bother to notice. She loved the snow when she was human, but she couldn't appreciate it so much now that she was a vampire. The cold, white dust that landed on her hair and clothes was no longer charming to her.

_"And why not, Police Girl? Weather such as this makes me want to warm up with some delicious blood."_

Victoria stopped rummaging and quickly scanned the room. The voice of her master Alucard, coming from nowhere in particular, always startled her no matter how much she tried to convince herself that she was finally used to it.

"Master?" she called, expecting him to pop in through the walls or drop down from the ceiling but when she waited a few minutes and received no guest she concluded that her master had just decided to leave her alone. She silently thanked God for that. She admired her master, the all-powerful vampire that he was, but there were times when she didn't want to hang around him. Be it the fact that he seemed to be good at making her nervous, or the fact that he seemed to enjoy criticizing her decisions to cling to her humanity, today Victoria decided was a day that she wanted to spend with herself and no one else. Not that she spent much quality time with her master to begin with.

She sighed. _He sure has an odd way of training new recruits_, she thought as she continued with her work. She turned to the rectangular box and pulled out the individual pieces of an artificial Canadian pine Christmas tree. As she put it together she thought about the time when she was a child celebrating Christmas with her father. She remembered them as happy days. She loved her dad so much and wanted to be just like him when she grew up. _So much for that. I'm not someone he can be proud of at all_, she thought her spirits sinking a little more as she proceeded to decorate the tree with the garland and ornaments she found in the square box. She took her time, knowing that an emergency could interrupt her at anytime, but she wanted to cherish this time alone. She wanted to remember what it was like to be a little girl with her dad, snowed in on a day like this. There had been a few occasions when they decorated the tree on days like this, her father setting up the tree while she placed the hooks on the ornaments for him. When they were finished they would head to the kitchen and he would make her hot chocolate. Victoria looked to the kitchen and wondered if she should attempt a taste of her old favorite-then decided it was best not to.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed but if her phone had yet to ring, and there was no commotion in the streets, then she figured that nothing serious had happened while she was gone. She looked outside of her window and saw that the snow was piling up. There had to be well over eight inches, or quite possibly a foot out there. _Good, maybe the FREAKS and ghouls will take a day off_, Victoria mused as she stood back to admire her work. Her six-foot tree looked gorgeous.

"Wow, I haven't lost my touch! I still know how to decorate, that I do!"

_"What are you doing, Police Girl?"_

This time the shock she received annoyed her. Her eyes scanned the ceiling and the far wall. She thought he had left her alone. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm decorating my Christmas tree? Humans do things like this, you know?"

_"You're not a human anymore,"_ came the answer, silently reminding her of her present and eternal predicament. She clenched her fists and gritted her teeth feeling her fangs press into her bottom lip- then she relaxed knowing it was wrong to oppose him.

"I know, Master. But I wanted to do this. I had to do it." She gave up, knowing that it was futile to argue with her master and turned to go back to the closet for she had forgotten something. When she turned around she bumped right into a red trench coat. She looked up into a set of red eyes that peered down at her over orange sunglasses. She forgot how to speak for a minute.

"H-h-how long have you been here, Master?"

He smirked at her, his sharp canines resting on his bottom lip. "I've been here the entire time. I'm always with you at some level, you know that."

Victoria pursed her lips. "Is that so?" she muttered and was awarded a fang filled smile from him. "I see, Master. So I'm not as utterly alone as I think I am?"

His smile gradually faded as he gave her a calculating stare. He shifted his attention to the Christmas tree and studied it from afar until he had taken in enough. Then he fixed Victoria with another steady gaze. "What is this, Police Girl?"

Victoria's desire to bicker with her master quickly faded and she said nothing as she bowed her head in defeat. She knew what would come if she told him what she was doing. But she knew she couldn't hide anything from him.

"I was just putting up my Christmas tree. That's all. I wanted to see what it looked like-" and she broke off, looking up at her master who knew exactly what she was going to say.

"-with your vampire eyes?" he offered, and she answered him with a stiff nod. He looked at the tree again. "So what does it look like?"

Victoria shot a quick glance over her shoulder and then faced the floor again. "It's just a tree. Nothing special, master."

"Did you expect it to be?"

Her shoulders slumped. "I don't know."

Alucard relented a bit and studied his subordinate. "You keep trying to hold on to that human part of yourself when that is no longer what you are."

Victoria gave him another humble nod. "I just don't want to forget certain things from my life. Christmas was always special to me even after my father passed away. I always look back on my memories of him whenever the season comes around…except now they're not so clear anymore. It's like he's slipping away and I can't do anything to stop it."

"You can't. Forgetting it all is a fact of life. The more years you pass the more distance you will put between yourself and your human memories. Whether you like it or not Police Girl, it's going to happen." Alucard stopped himself again. He hated to put it so bluntly but he couldn't think of any other way to get her to understand. He let out a faint sigh. "This _is_ what you chose, Ceres Victoria."

Victoria scowled defiantly up at him, her harsh thoughts showing clearly through. _Yes I did. How can I forget that when you keep reminding me? _

"_Someone has to guide you in the right direction, Police Girl. What kind of a master would I be if I didn't enlighten you with my words of wisdom?_

Victoria gasped at Alucard, appalled. "One who wouldn't invade my young, fragile mind, Master!"

He grinned down at her, a disclosed gleam in his eye. "There is a trick to keeping your thoughts private. Even from me."

Victoria's eyes grew wide with intrigue. "Huh?"

Alucard took note of the eagerness in his subordinate. He was confident that she would make quite a prominent 'No Life King' when the time was right for her. She knew what she had to do to attain it; the hard part was getting her to realize it. "You'll learn it eventually, as soon as you let this all go and accept what you are."

The excitement in her gaze faded and she bowed her head again, her voice a soft whisper, "Yes, Master."

Alucard suppressed the urge to give her a comforting pat on the shoulder and turned his attention back to the tree.

"This looks nice, Police Girl. I've never seen one like it."

Victoria instantly perked up. "Master, you've never seen a Christmas tree before?

Alucard shook his head. "Oh no, I've seen lots of them. When Integra was growing up I saw them each year around this time. They always looked the same since her servants did the decorating and went by the identical pattern each year. I couldn't stand to be in the same room with them because they were so obnoxiously bright. But this particular tree doesn't make me feel ill. I find it rather comforting actually with the colors, and the soft lights." He moved closer to the tree and touched one of the ornaments. "Yes, it feels very comforting, Ceres Victoria." He turned to her and smiled in approval. "I like your tree."

Victoria beamed with delight. "You do?"

Alucard nodded and stood back a few feet to admire it as a whole. "Yes. It's truly lovely. But isn't there something missing?"

That triggered her memory and she hurried into the hallway to retrieve the felt sack she had left on the dresser. Alucard was looking at her expectantly as if he knew what was wrapped within the blue fabric. The felt sack was tied with a neat satin ribbon, and Victoria pulled it loose and let the fabric fall free to reveal a sparkling Christmas star. Victoria held it carefully within both palms as she went to show it to Alucard. He took off his glasses, and let out a low whistle.

"It's beautiful." Then he looked at her curiously. "What is it?"

Victoria was almost dumbfounded. _Is he serious? I thought Master knew everything._ "Er, it's a star that goes on top of the tree. You've seen those on the Christmas trees in Hellsing mansion, right?"

He shook his head, clueless. "I don't believe that I've ever noticed. This is very lovely nonetheless. It goes on top of the tree you say?"

Victoria nodded. "My dad was the one who did the honors. This star was the last thing he gave my mother before she passed away. It was a Christmas gift to her, and when she died he felt it was his duty to put it on the tree for her each year. But since he's been gone I never bothered to put it on the tree. I don't know what possessed me to take it out now. It's got a few years of dust on it, and most of the lights on it don't work."

"But it will look nice don't you think, Police Girl?"

Alucard's sudden interest in her was a new experience for Victoria. He normally had this friendly way of being aloof with her so she never felt snubbed by him, nor did she feel close enough to warrant anything more than professional and supernatural respect. He was her master after all. He couldn't forget himself and act like a doting father and she couldn't play the role of a needy child. The way he "raised" her gave her the right amount of independence to find out about the world of the undead at her own pace. He did get impatient with her at times (ok, many times) but he was indeed a good master and she had to admit that she was thankful to have come across him that day at the cathedral in Cheddars.

Victoria agreed with her master. The star would look nice no matter how battered it was coming out of that sack. She vaguely remembered that her mother had loved the star very much. She remembered her father taking great care with it when he put it on top of the tree. Now she was the only one left to do anything with it and she wanted it on top of the tree. She held it within one hand and picked it up out of the fabric with the other. Alucard watched her carefully, his breath catching as he saw the star in all its glory. Something about that star triggered something in his mind. He stared at it wanting to take it into his hands and feel it through his advanced senses. Something about it was so familiar.

"Master, are you alright?" Victoria asked, noting the vacant expression on the ancient vampire's face. He looked at her and blinked, the emptiness fading within the deep red hue of his eyes. The memories flooded him.

"I did it for Integra."

"You did it?" Victoria reiterated quizzically, knotting her brows at the unexpected statement from her master.

"Yes, for Integra's first Christmas without her father. I put the star on the tree for her. She had been debating whether to celebrate the holiday at all, but Walter had convinced her to at least get a tree. So she went out alone for the entire day, while Walter cursed himself and the other caretakers for not keeping a closer eye on her. But she was fine. I was with her," Alucard paused to give Victoria a meaningful look, "In my own way. She returned home dragging a tree, which she had taken from the forest just outside of the mansion. I don't understand why Walter didn't hear the tree when it fell. That should have given him an idea as to what the child was up to. But I digress, Police Girl-"

"Master, did Sir Integra actually use an ax to chop that tree down? You mean to tell me that she dragged the tree home all by _herself_?"

Alucard gave her that same look, and a grin to match it. "My influence was quite abundant that day, although I didn't help her with the decorating. I had to draw the line somewhere."

Victoria caught herself before she rolled her eyes. She wondered when her master was going to get to the point. "So how did you end up putting the star on the tree for Sir Integra?"

"She couldn't reach the top of the tree so I did the honors for her. She was delighted."

Victoria quirked an eyebrow. "Wouldn't Walter do that kind of a favor for her, Master?"

Alucard chuckled. "The steward was too busy calling a search squad to look for her. If he had only followed the trail of pine needles into the parlor he would have discovered his mistress placing shiny, colored ornaments on her tree. And when it came time to put the star up she asked me if I could do it since she couldn't reach the very top of the tree. And there you have it, Police Girl."

Victoria almost broke out into a wry grin of her own, but she responded to Alucard with a soft giggle. "You haven't fully forgotten everything, Master."

Alucard was taken aback. "What do you mean?"

"You still had those memories within you to share. It just took something to get all of it back. Like this star for instance; you wouldn't have thought of that time you spent with Integra had I not showed this to you. So, do you see what I'm trying to do, Master? I want to keep some symbols sacred so that when I pass as much time as you have, it will take just one thing to bring certain memories back."

Victoria almost burst out laughing at the stunned look on her master's face. Perhaps for once in his long life, he was struck speechless. Victoria took his hand and laid the star into his gloved palm. "It looks like you and I have this star in common. I can't quite reach the top of my Christmas tree. Will you put in up for me, Master?"

His eyes went wide and he stared at her in disbelief. "Police Girl?"

Victoria turned his stiff body around and ushered him toward the tree. Alucard stood before it holding the star with quiet hesitation. He looked at Victoria and she smiled brightly at him. She looked so excited with the childish sort of glee that he had seen in Integra. It charmed him instantly.

He reached up and placed the star on top of the tree. He then plugged it into an outlet from one of the string of lights and the entire star lit up. Victoria gasped.

"Oh my God! All of the lights work!"

"So it seems. It's very lovely. I like your tree, Ceres Victoria."

Victoria smiled lightly. "Thank you, master. I like it too."

Alucard helped Victoria tidy the apartment and noticed her bag as he took the boxes back to the closet. "Police Girl, were you not planning to return to the mansion tonight?"

Victoria's cheeks turned as red as her eye color. "Uh, I'm not really sure. I was going to stay here for a little while. Not for too long. It's Christmas and it's snowing. I figured that Sir Integra wouldn't need me around."

Alucard nodded, thoughtfully. "That sounds nice. However I don't suppose that there is a coffin here?"

Victoria went pale. She hadn't thought of that. "No master, there isn't. I guess I'm going back to the mansion after all."

Alucard silently stored the boxes away, and returned to the living room shedding his trench coat and hat. Victoria gave him a look when he plopped himself down on her couch with a contented sigh.

"Master?"

He looked at her from the corner of his eye. "This chair is comfortable. I think I may be able to sleep on this."

Victoria was confused. "Uh, Master shouldn't we get going? Sir Integra will wonder where you are."

"No, she won't. And if she does, there is no harm in enjoying this time away from the mansion. We will go back, Police Girl just not right now. I haven't visited someone's home in centuries. I almost forgot how nice it feels." He settled himself into the cushions and closed his eyes.

Victoria smiled at him. "I'm glad you came over. I don't want to forget how nice it is to have someone visit." She decided to go into the kitchen and take inventory of the cabinets and the refrigerator to see what was still good and what had to be tossed. She never expected to have such a nice Christmas this year or to have her master be a part of what made it so special. She looked at him as he relaxed happily on her couch and she praised him silently in her thoughts.

"_Thank you, Master."_

"_My pleasure, Ceres Victoria."_


End file.
